NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF ADMINISTRATIVE LAW JUDICIARY

Managing Difficult Parties

Content Created: Professor Saralinda Kiser, NAALJ Conference: October 2025

Conflict and water: found almost everywhere, essential for growth, and frequently powerfully destructive.

Conflict occurs when the implementation of an individual or group choice opposes the realization and fulfillment of the interests of the individual or others (Lauring et al., 2017)

Types of Conflict

Relational (Interpersonal, not getting along or personality clashes)

Task (Disagreement about content, outcomes, or scope of task)

Process (Disagreement about how to accomplish task, who does what, or confusion about process)

Common Causes of Conflict in Public Settings

Inadequate information
Role ambiguity
Scarce resources
Power imbalance (interference)
Environmental stress
Personality collisions

Conflict Resolution Goals and Disputing Party Goals

Professional: Efficiency and equity
Disputing Party: Winning and being heard

Conflict Management Strategies

Two-dimensions of interest: Assertiveness - concern for self & Cooperativeness and concern for others

Conflict Management Styles

Competing – win/lose
Avoiding – deny conflict
Accommodating – give in to other
Compromising – give a little/get a little
Collaboration – everyone wins

Tactics - Specific Actions and Behaviors

Integrative: prosocial and solution-oriented
Distributive: self-concern and control

People choose tactics based on:

Desired outcomes
Risks associated with tactic
Perception of resolvability of conflict

Personality and Conflict

Traits to consider:

Highly Sensitive
Competitive
Skill- or Information- Deficits
Frightened or Worried
Intimidated
Frustrated or in Crisis

Higher Conflict People:

Thrive on conflict
Altered state of reality
Will not act like a normal person
Might not be in control of their emotions
Might perceive a heightened sense of threat

High Conflict Trends

View relationships as adversarial
Seem to be in a constant state of crisis
Poor social filtering skills
Resist rulings or judgements they disagree with
Feel infallible – fixed belief in being right

Could you be encountering Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or a Mood Disorder such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, moods or emotional states that are situational or not consistent with actual circumstances?

Recall that higher conflict people:

Thrive on conflict
Altered state of reality
Will not act like a normal person
Might not be in control of their emotions
Might perceive a heightened sense of threat

Avoid Traps

Manipulation or triangulation – Borderline
Blame game – Narcissism •
Boundary Violations
Charm then Blame
Emotional Hooks (fear, blame, defensiveness, positioning, even empathy)

Strategies

Primary Strategies

Do not take their behavior personally
Get them involved in the solution or the information task

Thought Strategies

Detach and Observe
Recognize you cannot reason with the unreasonable or “cure” behavior
Identify your personal boundaries
Focus on reasonable outcomes
Repeat: “It’s not about me”

Consider a time, when you felt empowered, energized, competent, valued, valuable, worthwhile, useful, understood, seen, validated, etc. What was going on there? Were your feelings a result of your own actions and approaches? Did the actions of someone else affect your feelings? Write down three things that come to mind about the communication behavior that went with this event? What were people doing well? How was a relationship managed? What worked?

Messaging

BIFF – Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm
Manage your tone and body language
Model Behavior
Be matter of fact; calmly explain what will happen
Focus on the future/outcomes, not behavior
Use noncommittal but friendly language.
Allow HCP to maintain self-image as in charge

De-escalation

Listen
Reduce perceived threat
Allow time to diffuse emotion
Explain rules and why you have to follow them
Slow down and breathe
Manage your own emotions
Lower your volume
Take a break or end the encounter